at last, a plan

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sometimes i wonder what truly makes me happy. these days, i often find myself sad and helpless because i can't do the things i want to (oh please don't give me a sermon about being spoiled and all. please, not now).

and so, in order to start putting an end to this depression thing (which nobody seems to understand), i'll make a list of what i want to do/achieve and how i could achieve them:

1. learn how to drive → ask daddy to teach me for the rest of the semestral break. if i don't learn, i'll enroll into a driving school this christmas break.
2. have higher grades → thankfully, i've found the main solution to my problem with low grades: CAFFEINE. and, yeah, less Y!M/friendster/multiply time.
   
3. get rid of my dermatitis → sadly, it's already part of my system, probably forever (but hopefully not!). so really, i dunno what i'll do with it... probably just continue medication? and (*sigh*) continue avoiding all the food that i'm not allowed to eat. whooo. kaya ko 'to!
4. give decent christmas gifts to family and friends → i've already started working on this one. i've been saving moolah for christmas. hopefully i'll have enough to spend when shopping time comes.
5. lose weight → this one's really difficult, considering the fact that i'm not allowed to perspire... shet. so maybe, what i can do is just to get rid of all snack times.
6. stop being hard-headed → just... stop.
7. spend more time on music → be more active in the choir...? hmm...
8. spend more quality time with mabu → finish school stuff early so that i'll have extra time.

good luck to me.
God bless me on this.

flowers

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photo i took while walking alone around our subdivision yesterday

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bakit ganito ang life? today masaya, tomorrow malungkot, tapos masaya na naman, tapos malungkot na naman... hindi ba pwedeng palaging masaya?

i know, ganito talaga ang life. and once malalampasan mo ang mga challenges, napakasarap ng feeling. it's just that it sucks talaga kapag nasa struggling stage ka pa lang. nakakatempt bumitiw, pero alam mong hindi pwedeng bumitiw. lucky ka kung may natitira ka pang sanity sa utak mo.

actually, i was supposed to write an open letter to God here. first time ko yang gagawin [sana] sa blog na ito. pero as i let my fingers type whatever just comes to my mind, naku, eto ang lumabas. madramang entry. madrama at malabo.

ewan ko nga ba kung bakit ganito ang natype ko. ewan ko rin kung bakit malungkot ako ngayon. nakakainis yung times na naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil naiinis ako. gets? yun yung mga times na hindi dapat ako naiinis pero naiinis ako at dahil naiinis ako eh mas lalo akong naiinis. syet.

isa pang example ng cycle na annoying: nagkakaroon ako ng rashes dahil stressed ako tapos lalo akong nasestress kapag may rashes ako. you know what that means: more rashes. ARRGH. para matigil ang progression, nagtetake na lang ako ng gamot. hahai. don't worry, hindi naman ito pinagbabawal na gamot. kaso, hindi rin OTC. sana naman mawala na ang skin asthma ko... este, atopic at seborrheic dermatitis pala. (sayang naman ang pag-undergo ko ng biopsy kung hindi ko gagamitin yung medical terms.) (gumasto ako para sa biopsy para lang malaman ang sakit ko.)

so, nagyawyaw na talaga ako. hehehe. ewan ko ba. gusto kong bumalik na lang sa kahapon. ang saya ng araw ko kahapon. ang saya... bakit kaya? hehe... C=

sa ngayon, kailangan kong mag-empake. hindi ako maglalayas ha. may kailangan akong puntahan. di ko alam kung dapat ba akong ma-excite or whatever. ang akin lang is, honestly, may doubts ako about going. my body is too tired and (actually) sick. pero kailangan kong pumunta. so ang prayer ko na lang ngayon is sana masaya ang growth session... growth session ng choir namin.

about choirs... nami-miss ko na ang pagkanta. i love music. but lately, it seems to hate me. ewan ko lang ha. i just need to be happy. yun naman ang palagi kong issue eh (nang hindi ko sinasadya). (meaning, hindi ko ginagawang issue pero lumalabas lang palagi na yun ang issue ko: gusto kong maging masaya palagi.) ewan ko nga ba. kaya nga ganyan ang description ng blog ko eh...

*************

i miss you...

can't think of a title

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omg, i can't believe it! makakatulog na ako nang maayos. hahaha. these past few nights, grabe ang puyat ko. i've been studying a lot and doing my requirements diligently. oha! =P crammed nga lang yung iba, pero what i'm happy about is that inspired ako maxado mag-aral these past few days and nights. so far, i've accomplished everything that i have to accomplish.

starting tonight, makakatulog na ako nang maayos dahil tapos na lahat ng exams ko sa majors ko. woohoo! filipino, theology, and political science exams na lang. wiheee. C= ang saya!

this afternoon, i went out with some friends. we watched a movie lang, actually. i was with mabu, josie, arvin, and kuya arj. grabe ka-funny kasi we watched resident evil tapos yung mga uyab (mabu and arvin) ang natatakot at nagugulat sa movie. nyahaha. di ko na sabihin yung details kasi baka magalit si uyab... hihi. basta, parang nabaliktad ata. yung girls ang parang boys, tapos yeah, you get the point. hehehe.

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my cousins + tito and tita left for canada last saturday morning. awww. i'm gonna miss them. it's only been two days and i can't wait to see them again. O_o



i miss you so much...

rant, rant, rant

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shit. so this is how it feels. this is how it feels to be so tired, to have your relatives leave for canada (for good) in a few days, to have at least 5 major exams within the week, to have a very annoying allergy attack, to have asthma, to have low grades, to not have my laptop with me starting tomorrow until i don't know when... ugh. this sucks.

crying doesn't seem to make it better.

i guess i just have to start working. that's all i can do to make things a little better.

God please help me. extend my patience...